progress

This year, I have changed as a leaner because I've learned how to work on my own. At the beginning of the year, I was a really bad procrastinator, and I only did as much as I had to do. Now, I spend my free time actually studying. Maybe it's because I have more things to study for, but I learned how to be productive on my own. I also learned to take initiative; I've been applying for things I never would have applied for, and working towards goals that I never would have made.

I didn't grow as a member of my mentor group. If anything, I think I went backwards. I talk to the same people during 10 minute time, and sometimes no one at all during Friday PLT. At the beginning of the year, I wanted to be in student council, and I even designed my mentor group's hoodies. Now, I don't think I care as much about being involved. I hope to continue to change as member of my mentor group by getting closer to people I wouldn't normally talk to, but also finding a balance between productivity and socializing.

I grew as a friend because I learned how to support someone. There were a lot of problems and a lot of drama this year, but my friends got through it as a group. Last week, my friend told me that I changed a lot as a person, from the way I dress to my personality. She said that I used to be "hella fake and a total snake" but this year, I became a "down-to-Earth person and one of my closest friends that I go to with all my problems".

As a human being, I learned to face my problems and ask for help. I'm still learning how to appreciate myself and accept myself as a person, but I've gone a long way since the beginning of the year. I also learned how to be more independent. I'm self-studying, learning how to drive, handling a credit card, and managing my own calendar.

mental health + stress

When I hear "mental health", I think of all the people who are trying to get our country to prioritize our mental health over our other responsibilities. I've heard that mental health is just as important as physical health, but people don't pay nearly enough attention to it. Some sources of stress in my life are the expectations that I've set for myself and that others have set for me. On top of my school work, I have a lot of other projects that I'm working on, like writing and taking tests for college ahead of time. Honestly, to cope with my stress, I used to blame myself a lot. It got to the point where I cracked, and ended up crying in the school bathroom. Now, I address my problems a lot more, but I still don't think that I'm completely there. I think my ways of coping are unhealthy, but I kind of lost the motivation to do anything about it.

super size me + BMI

I watched Weight of A Nation a few years ago. I don't remember everything clearly, but I know that it gave me the same information as the rest of the documentaries I watched. I'm a little surprised that I didn't get tired of hearing the sames thing over and over again. The only one that stands out in my head is a documentary from 2004, called Super Size Me. Unlike the other documentaries I'd seen, this one was an experiment. It followed a man named Morgan Spurlock, who decided that for a month, he would only eat food from McDonald's, a fast food chain notorious for its success and past health violations. Throughout the month, Spurlock gained 24 pounds. With his girlfriend's help, he followed a vegan diet for 14 months until he finally lost the weight. After the release of the documentary, McDonald's stopped offering their Super Size option. I was glad that McDonald's was taking measures to create a healthier menu, but I was worried that some people who relied on their affordable meals would simply switch to another food chain, instead of sticking with McDonald's and purchasing their new options.

I don't get why some people don't like to eat fruits and vegetables. Well, I understand that the same foods taste different to everyone, but I personally really like them. Maybe I lied to myself so many times that I convinced myself that I like eating healthy, but fruits are honestly my favorite type of food. I would pick a salad over a burger any day. I know that I'm lucky to even have the option of eating better, because some people would kill to be able to offer their family a chance to be healthy. Then again, I'm not so healthy myself. My BMI is 16, which is well outside the minimum to be considered a normal weight (18.5). I'm just thankful that it's not as bad as it used to be; when I was in seventh grade, I had a BMI of 14.8. Others with the same BMI suffered from strokes, heart failure, and straight-up death. I was lucky. None of those things happened to me (especially not death haha). I know that BMI's aren't 100% accurate, because they fail to account for muscle mass, which makes you heavier, despite it obviously not having any health detriments. The formula for BMI is your weight in kilograms divided by your height in meters squared. This formula says nothing about specific body measurements, which are what actually counts. Scientists believe that we should be looking at our waist circumference in relation to our height, as this better takes into account the distribution of fat in the body. It also makes more sense to me, because I'm considered "extremely slim" instead of "holy cow you're about to die".

about me

In the past, I've tried to change a lot of things about myself. When I noticed that I was the only one in the seventh grade still wearing my sister's hand-me-downs, straight jeans, and sketchers, I tried to change my wardrobe. I guess knockoff converse weren't much of an improvement, though. I used to play Minecraft with my brother (I know, embarrassing.) until my younger cousin told me that I was a loser, and I left my brother to play alone instead. I tried to change the amount of sugar in my diet, and, like I wrote in my previous post, I developed social anxiety.

I couldn't stand in front of the class without shaking, and I became aggressively defensive. I used to love being in choir, but the concerts scared me out of my mind. I would stand in my choir uniform, twitching and only mouthing along to a song that I'd spent hours practicing. Despite that, I auditioned for Advanced Choir and failed, moving into Honours Choir instead (That's just a nice way of saying "too old for Cadet, but couldn't get into Advanced). One year, we had a "final", where we had to sing a solo in front of the whole class. I broke out in a cold sweat and quit the week after. When I got into high school, I tried to combat this. Instead of being defensive, I tried being friendly, and talked to whoever I could, clenching my teeth in an attempt to control my wild stutter. I thought I could finally be the friendly, cheerful social kid, but I was labeled with "fake" instead.

I've learned to let go and managed to find my way into an amazing group of friends, but I still can't do everything like I used to. I hate talking about it, but my greatest fear is eating in front of other people. I feel like I look disgusting, and I fight to ignore my stomach growling in class. It's been a few years, and I'm okay with eating small meals in front of my friends or people that I'm comfortable with. Otherwise, I can wait until after school.

I've been underweight all my life, which is another thing that I've tried to change. No matter how much I eat or exercise, or how many times I count my calories, or how often I literally gag from forcing myself to eat, I can't gain weight. I'm 5' 6", and I don't even weigh 100 pounds. I guess that's why they call it "a work in progress". 😬

sugar challenge

When I first heard about the Sugar Challenge, I was kind of annoyed, because the challenge was to do something that I try to do every day. After a few years, it's still not easy, but I wish that I could do something more challenging or at least relevant to me. Even HCC is a little boring now, but sometimes, my friends turn to me and say, "Oh, that's why you don't eat sweets?"  Not to be cocky, but I'm very confident that I can meet the challenge, because it's already something that's integrated into my daily life.

In seventh grade, when I started cutting back on added sugar, I tried going cold turkey. Because sugar triggers dopamine in the brain's pleasure center, it takes a while for your body to get used to a large difference in your sugar levels. I started feeling cranky and tired, and eventually opted for a periodical binge on sweets, instead of my regular constant flow. I didn't realize it at the time, but it had a big impact on my mood. I started to develop anxiety, and made an increasing amount of impulsive decisions.




One night in eighth grade, when I was bored and home alone, I watched a documentary called "Fed Up" on Netflix. It was the first of many. "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead", "Forks Over Knives", "Hungry For Change", "Bite Size", "Vegucated": somehow, the corny-sounding documentaries seemed more appealing than TV shows to easily-impressionable, hoping-to-be-a-nutritionist, 12-year-old me/ I learned more about the effects of sugar, and I realized that binges are unhealthy. I slowly cut back on sugar, until I was within the recommended amount. If I was only counting added sugar.

Even now, I still get a weird look when I order fruits instead of dessert, or buy water instead of lemonade. "Freaking health freak" is the most common comment I get from my older sister (who doesn't give a single heck about added sugar even though I always tell her how bad it is).

healthy lifestyles

To me, living a healthy lifestyle means maintaining a balanced diet, exercising often, following a generally solid sleep schedule, communicating with others, and loving yourself. Living a healthy lifestyle is obviously supposed to be important to me, but honestly, it hasn't been a priority lately. It's hard to exercise and follow a sleep schedule between school, extracurriculars, and unpredictable workloads.

As a teenager, I don't always have a choice in what I eat, because I'm expected to eat the food that's put in front of me, healthy or not. When I was younger, I would only eat what I wanted to eat off my plate. I would spend hours at the table, because my mother wouldn't let me leave unless I finished everything. Usually, I would sneak the leftover food into the trash and eat sweets in front of the TV. After taking a nutrition course in seventh grade, another in eighth, and another in ninth, I started paying more attention to what I was eating, sometimes even watching the occasional nutrition documentary on Netflix. I went cold turkey on sweets and switched chocolate out for fruits (unbeknownst to seventh-grade me, consuming large amounts of fructose is also bad for you) and nuts.

My family was happy that I was making a change (they try their best to eat as healthy as possible), but they were a little suspicious about me going on a "diet". I've been underweight my entire life, and cutting out artificial sugar, a fair portion of my diet, probably worried them. I still try my best not to eat sweets, but when everyone around you does something, it's hard not to do it too. 😩